Partying party

Once I wrote about politics I thought this is it, there’s nothing more that I’d say regarding the subject, but somehow now it seems to me like an inexhaustible topic.

I hate poverty. It makes people with no criteria even more desperate and even less hesitating.

My aunt (my mother’s sister) and her husband, my uncle are in the same political party. One day last week I got an invitation from their daughter to come to a closed type party at a local club. I don’t know the exact square surface, but it is on two levels. It is quite big. There’d be some famous band singing, but I’m not quite a fan so I told her that I’ll think about it. In the meantime I’ve met my uncle who told me: “Listen, I’ve got two tickets for Friday night party, it’s for our people only.”

So I got it right, the party is partying. So they tried to trick me, to come there, have some “good” time and then they’d start bugging me until one of us dies to join them.

They do what they do, but what I hate is that fact that one of my closest relatives looks at me as I’m some kind of a score. She’d probably get some good points for me, besides she thinks it is the right decision and besides she asked me nothing about it.

I remember why she joined. By her story, they blackmailed her to join or otherwise she’d loose her job. But it seems like she forgot it. Or simply it never happened as she told us. She believes that people who are willing to do anything, who are less educated and less successful, who can harm other people because they have no limits and they’d do anything for money are good for me, the one who spent 6 years studying how to help others, who speaks three languages and appreciates good will, effort and equality above all. I have flaws but those people disguise me. And what hurts me is how my closest relatives underrate me. She wants to push me in it, without asking me anything. She wants me to do the job for the party which includes lies, scams and blackmails; sharing leaflets on the streets and convincing people that it is good to join it. In return I’d get three months of paid job under contract in local health center. This is what I mean when I say that young people are humiliated in this country. They left us nothing and it is not enough still, they want us to be even more degraded. But my aunt thinks it looks like it should. And that it is the right thing.

In her position, I’d keep my children and my closest relative’s children aside, they don’t have to step in politics if they don’t want to; I’d care for their qualities and remind them every day how good they are. Instead, I got silent condemnations how I shouldn’t be that enthusiastic about leaving this country.

I don’t want to. Can’t you see? Do you think that I’d be happy in some foreign country where there’s none of my closest people? Where there’s no one I could rely on to? Why do you do this to us, why?  We are all your children. You force us to leave. You leave us unfair options. I don’t want some molesting, uneducated bully to tell me what to do, but if it is what you offer me, I’d better leave. Elsewhere I might not know anyone but they’d probably appreciate me more objectively. I hate this people. We are the country, the government, the institutions. There’s no need to blame some illusive term such as one of these I mentioned because the people are those to blame. Our adults are those to blame. Why do you do this to us?

Advertisements

Look at me with the eyes of a child

I’m not a political person neither an activist. It doesn’t matter who I am or who anyone here is as long as we’re all progressing.

I don’t love my country. I’m not a patriot.

There’s a song in my language which goes like this: “Ovo je Zemlja za nas, ovo je Zemlja za sve naše ljude. Ovo je kuća za nas, ovo je kuća za svu našu decu…”

“This is the Land for all of us, this is the Land for all our people, this is home for us, this is the home for all of our children…”

 

This home is for none of our children. For a long time now.

Our grown ups hate us. They neglect us and give us nothing but on contrary, they steal from us. I don’t blame only politicians but the everyday people who we see on the streets, who we help, who we work for. They hate us. But still, they want to take all from us. And all of us.

There are two types of young people in my country. One large group tries its best to leave and many of them are succeeding. They might be smart, talented or simply hard working (which is one great trait), but excluded from our biting society and under the impact of many malicious comments and critics by those who humiliated them and left them no other choice. The second ones are those who are still here. They either have no will or no where else to live, so they continue to despair in their own misery, devastated. Or some of them like the situation as it is.cf779a56a414a0cd4bf3c3d568037d06

And the adults, they try nothing to stop the leaving ones, to lift the desperate ones and to give a good example for those mindless; but to mark them as less intelligent, useless and spoiled.

Sometimes they do these stuff directly. What they taught us?

  1. 1. That there is no protection. Someone can steal from you and get away unpunished. That sends you a clear message: your worth is 0 and you mean nothing. Whatever you have or do is worthless. That no one cares for you or your material or intellectual belongings.
  2. That there is no reasonable evaluation. Quality is being pushed aside. You can be God-knows-how brilliant, but you won’t succeed because that’s not important.  What is important is how good you can lie and how many people you can trample by one foot.
  3. You’re a joke. If you’re trying – you’re a joke, they’ll make fun of you.
  4. If you’re young plus woman…That opens a whole new spectrum of ideas how bad you are at something…Balkans… I already explained how much do I hate gender prejudices…. I remember once, I was 23. Police stopped my car, “just for a check up”. Although everything was fine it ended up with molesting, threats and gender based insults just because I didn’t get that I should give them (there were 2 of them) some money. I’m not talking about a fine, but about money. No, I didn’t know I should. But if’d tell someone that I didn’t know, they’d laugh at me, because it is completely usual and fine to give money to the police in order for them not to molest you. Even if you’ve done nothing. It is normal for you to surrender. It is normal for them to take it from you instead to protect you from experiencing it.
  5. That we’re irrelevant and underrated. If you’re on a position, earned by your scholar degree, to give a person advice related to a problem they have – they won’t listen to you because you’re too young and therefore too stupid. They’ll check your legal advice first at fortuneteller’s.
  6. That we have no right to have a home, since they’re selling all of our land.

And we’re bad because we’re leaving.

Our adults left us long before we did.

****

I started to volunteer at local health center. It was everything but voluntarily. Besides that I work for no money, my aunt called me happily to announce that she talked to health center director and mentioned our relation, since they two are in the same party. By her story, couple of months ago she was blackmailed to join the party or else she’ll lose the job. Something similar happened some time earlier when my father tried to trick me to join a party and get a job in Capital.

No one asked me anything.

But my aunt also made an addition in order to remind me to “be polite and behave while I’m in health center, to be good with patients and assistants, because director appreciates it”. That probably means that I’m bad behaved and rude most of my time, but now I must show myself in a very good manner in order to get the job. I must impress those who already undervalued me and the rest of us. 

How do they see me? Do they see me at all?

How do they see all of us?

Am I the person with no option and how funny is it? Do I have qualities at all?

And those often reminders of how should I behave in order to be “better” and “accepted”.

You should be more polite. You should be more polite. You should be more polite…

You should be more polite in order to join the party made by scum so they can provide a job for you since you’re a sack of garbage. Then you’ll be good and useful.

In the Land for all of our children….