I’m not a political person neither an activist. It doesn’t matter who I am or who anyone here is as long as we’re all progressing.
I don’t love my country. I’m not a patriot.
There’s a song in my language which goes like this: “Ovo je Zemlja za nas, ovo je Zemlja za sve naše ljude. Ovo je kuća za nas, ovo je kuća za svu našu decu…”
“This is the Land for all of us, this is the Land for all our people, this is home for us, this is the home for all of our children…”
This home is for none of our children. For a long time now.
Our grown ups hate us. They neglect us and give us nothing but on contrary, they steal from us. I don’t blame only politicians but the everyday people who we see on the streets, who we help, who we work for. They hate us. But still, they want to take all from us. And all of us.
There are two types of young people in my country. One large group tries its best to leave and many of them are succeeding. They might be smart, talented or simply hard working (which is one great trait), but excluded from our biting society and under the impact of many malicious comments and critics by those who humiliated them and left them no other choice. The second ones are those who are still here. They either have no will or no where else to live, so they continue to despair in their own misery, devastated. Or some of them like the situation as it is.
And the adults, they try nothing to stop the leaving ones, to lift the desperate ones and to give a good example for those mindless; but to mark them as less intelligent, useless and spoiled.
Sometimes they do these stuff directly. What they taught us?
- 1. That there is no protection. Someone can steal from you and get away unpunished. That sends you a clear message: your worth is 0 and you mean nothing. Whatever you have or do is worthless. That no one cares for you or your material or intellectual belongings.
- That there is no reasonable evaluation. Quality is being pushed aside. You can be God-knows-how brilliant, but you won’t succeed because that’s not important. What is important is how good you can lie and how many people you can trample by one foot.
- You’re a joke. If you’re trying – you’re a joke, they’ll make fun of you.
- If you’re young plus woman…That opens a whole new spectrum of ideas how bad you are at something…Balkans… I already explained how much do I hate gender prejudices…. I remember once, I was 23. Police stopped my car, “just for a check up”. Although everything was fine it ended up with molesting, threats and gender based insults just because I didn’t get that I should give them (there were 2 of them) some money. I’m not talking about a fine, but about money. No, I didn’t know I should. But if’d tell someone that I didn’t know, they’d laugh at me, because it is completely usual and fine to give money to the police in order for them not to molest you. Even if you’ve done nothing. It is normal for you to surrender. It is normal for them to take it from you instead to protect you from experiencing it.
- That we’re irrelevant and underrated. If you’re on a position, earned by your scholar degree, to give a person advice related to a problem they have – they won’t listen to you because you’re too young and therefore too stupid. They’ll check your legal advice first at fortuneteller’s.
- That we have no right to have a home, since they’re selling all of our land.
And we’re bad because we’re leaving.
Our adults left us long before we did.
I started to volunteer at local health center. It was everything but voluntarily. Besides that I work for no money, my aunt called me happily to announce that she talked to health center director and mentioned our relation, since they two are in the same party. By her story, couple of months ago she was blackmailed to join the party or else she’ll lose the job. Something similar happened some time earlier when my father tried to trick me to join a party and get a job in Capital.
No one asked me anything.
But my aunt also made an addition in order to remind me to “be polite and behave while I’m in health center, to be good with patients and assistants, because director appreciates it”. That probably means that I’m bad behaved and rude most of my time, but now I must show myself in a very good manner in order to get the job. I must impress those who already undervalued me and the rest of us.
How do they see me? Do they see me at all?
How do they see all of us?
Am I the person with no option and how funny is it? Do I have qualities at all?
And those often reminders of how should I behave in order to be “better” and “accepted”.
You should be more polite. You should be more polite. You should be more polite…
You should be more polite in order to join the party made by scum so they can provide a job for you since you’re a sack of garbage. Then you’ll be good and useful.
In the Land for all of our children….